


ease my mind.

by cosmiclokis



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, He is too Good for this world, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Nightmares, Sam Wilson is a Gift, did i write this just to insert an oc?, i don’t write angst so this is probably a trainwreck LMAO, i lobe them, it’s currently midnight i’m sorry, my dads!, sam is an angel, there was only one bed (kinda), title from a ben platt song, we love mr wilson in this household
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:53:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29101317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmiclokis/pseuds/cosmiclokis
Summary: bucky barnes gets nightmares.all sam wants to do is help somehow.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, past Riley/Sam Wilson - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 80





	ease my mind.

**Author's Note:**

> title: ease my mind - ben platt  
> this is probably incoherent but whatever

The nightmares were getting worse.

Sam noticed - their bedrooms in the house in the country were back to back, and their heads lay against the same wall. This was Sam’s idea, of course. He knew Bucky barely ever slept (he didn’t need to much, to be fair), but when he did, his sleep was plagued with horrible nightmares. Memories of Hydra, the mind-wiping, everything he did under their control. He woke up screaming most nights, a cold sweat glazed over his face. 

That’s why he cut his hair. It got stuck in his face too much in the middle of the night. Too annoying. 

But recently, the noises Sam heard through his wall were more frequent. The combination of Sam being a light sleeper and the thin walls in that house made Bucky’s nightmare noises hard to not hear. 

Sam just felt helpless. 

He so badly wanted to help - that’s just who he is of course - but he doesn’t know how. He thinks about those nights back at the Air Force base, just after he had lost Riley. How the memories still haunt him to this day. How he wished there had been someone there, not to hold him, not so soon, but to talk, maybe just human contact. For weeks after Riley died all Sam had wanted was someone to talk to, someone who actually had maybe a bit of shared life experience. 

Now he had Bucky. And Sam wanted to be there for him, just as Bucky is for him. 

He remembers again when he and Scott and Wanda and Clint were trapped in that stupid underwater prison, and he was plagued by his own nightmares. He kept seeing Rhodey, falling from the sky, feeling as helpless as he did that night watching Riley fall. 

Sam tries his best. He tries, he really does. Each morning he asks Bucky if he’s okay. 

Each morning Sam gets back the same response. 

“I’m fine,” Bucky always says, scavenging in their small kitchen for something to eat. 

They go on missions, they go to briefs and debriefs, and Sam tries to keep it light. Occasional banter that gets an “I hate you” out of Bucky, cracking jokes in places jokes really should not be cracked. They have fun - mostly - and when they don’t, Sam and Bucky have each other. 

But after one particularly difficult mission, one where they met Zemo for the first time since Siberia. He had tried to use Bucky’s words, those goddamn trigger words. Shuri had, luckily, done her magic and got the stupid association out of his head. 

That was when it got bad. So much worse than before. Bucky had been making progress before that mission, but when they got home all of it was lost. Right back to where it was. 

Sam did some research. About PTSD and trauma victims and the relationship between those and nightmares. 

Fuck it, he decided. Just ask him if there’s anything. 

So, he does. 

They talk about it more, eventually settling on the idea that the two of them could sleep in the same room, see if it helped any. 

They had just returned from another draining assignment for the two of them, so Sam was too tired to move any of the couches up the stairs into Bucky’s room, and ended up taking his comforter and a few pillows to sleep on the floor. Bucky looked at him with a puzzled look. Sam returned the look. 

“Why don’t you just sleep in your room tonight?” Bucky asked. “We can do this tomorrow.”

Sam shook his head, laughed softly. He didn’t say anything, but instead continued setting up a make-shift bed on the floor. Bucky decided he was too tired to protest and climbed into bed. 

The next morning, though, they got a call early in the morning about a kid. Recently discovered their powers, caused a mess at their school, the usual spiel.  _ Boston,  _ Mack had told them, for at least a little bit. That their rooms were being set up at the base. 

Mack met them straight off the Quinjet. 

They spent the day tracking down this kid, eighteen years old, kicked out by their family after they came out. Their roommate had found them in the bathroom, mid panic attack, surrounded by a purple smoke, everything around them suddenly gone. 

Their outreach team brought the kid - Noah - back to the satellite base. They stood together while the SHIELD biologists and Enhanced specialists but the kid through every test imaginable - standard procedure for undocumented Enhanceds. 

Sam and Bucky were then put through loads of meetings on Noah’s abnormal biology - not of this world. But that’s a different story. 

By the middle of the night the excitement of a new Enhanced had worn off, the agents finally sent to their rooms. Sam’s tired gaze met Bucky’s eyes from across the room, and Bucky nodded. Talking was unnecessary at that moment, they both knew what the look meant and were too tired to move their mouths. The two men made their way to the neighboring rooms they stayed in during their last mission in New England - months ago there was a magic fire in Maine they were tasked to. 

Sam grabbed a blanket from his room, planning to sleep on the couch in the other room. It was small, but he could make it work. 

Bucky didn’t like that. 

“You could just…” He started. Sam tilts his head in confusion, that look on his face again. Bucky shrugs. “The bed is pretty big, if you want.” He immediately regrets this, but Sam nods. They climb into bed and drift off to sleep rather quickly, given the tiring events of the day, both of them nearly falling off the plenty-large bed in their attempts to not bother the other. 

That’s not how they wake up, though. 

They wake up in the center of the bed, limbs tangled together, with Bucky’s head buried in Sam’s chest. 

Bucky wakes up first and realizes what happened. He scares himself, rolling out of Sam’s arms, then off the bed and onto the floor. The thud wakes Sam up. 

“Bucky?” Sam asks, barely awake. Bucky shoots up, continuing to panic, while Sam connects the dots of what happened. He gets up off the bed and walks over to where Bucky is pacing.

“Hey,” Sam says, reaching out for Bucky. He takes Bucky’s hand, telling him to breathe, just like they’ve done a million times.  _ In for seven.  _ The ritual goes unspoken.  _ Hold for five.  _ It’s always like this, every time either one of them panics.  _ Out for eight.  _ Sam laces their fingers together.  _ Bucky’s hands are warm,  _ Sam notices. 

“It’s okay,” Sam continues after Bucky’s breathing us somewhat back to normal. “You’re okay. We’re okay.” They sigh in sync, Bucky letting out the smallest laugh you could imagine. He’s looking down. 

“There were no nightmares last night,” Bucky says, finally looking Sam straight (ha) in the eyes. 

“That’s good,” Sam smiles slightly, genuine care and concern in his eyes. Something Bucky hasn’t seen in a long time. 

Sam opens his mouth to speak again. Then he closes his mouth. Then opens it again. 

Bucky takes the opportunity. 

Suddenly, they’re kissing, and all Sam can focus on is Bucky and all Bucky can focus on is Sam and the only thing they’re thinking is  _ oh god what have I done,  _ while also thinking  _ why haven’t we done this before.  _

It feels so right to both of them, the way their bodies fit together, arms around the other’s back. 

Sam finally pulls back, and he notices Bucky is crying. Gently, he wipes the tears from Bucky’s face, calls him  _ love,  _ and that’s all it takes. More kissing immediately, flopping down on the bed, Sam holding Bucky as tight as he can as they’re tangled on the bed. 

_ This is new,  _ Sam thinks, but he likes it. He definitely likes it 

(So does Bucky. A whole lot.)

In the light of the early morning, they hold on tight to each other. 

_ darling only you can ease my mind. _

And promise never to let go.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is dedicated to:  
> mollie (lordofthunders) - thank u for beta-ing (most of) this ily mwah  
> puter quall stans gc: this is where the idea came from so!! i love u my children thanks for bullying me into finishing this (/lh) yeah!! check us out @puterquallstruggles on instagram we are chaotic. 
> 
> thank u all for reading this little thing! as you may know, long ass end notes are my thing so buckle up
> 
> this is kinda bad because i’m too lazy to proofread it so. it may suck but who cares. 
> 
> you’re probably wondering who noah is? lemme tell you. a) me b) my lovely oc that i absolutely adore and once i write their story kevin feige pls expect me at ur office i will be randomly showing up one day and you will let me in xx
> 
> are y’all feeling the massive queerbaiting as well? i have so much hope they’re gonna be bfs in fatws but knowing disney that’s probably not gonna happen 😪😪 here’s to hoping amirite
> 
> kudos and comments would make my day! if u want 👉👈 
> 
> it’s 12:11 am as i am writing this so i’m gonna wrap up the notes then go make a moodboard lmao i love u! you are loved! you are valid! your enby internet dad loves you very much!
> 
> find me on twitter (@thechessgqme), on tumblr (legallybard) and on instagram (@wildflcwcrs or @thcrbrvce)! 
> 
> \- noah xx


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